Riza encounters a beasty
by slinko
Summary: Riza is trapped in a cursed castle. Can she escape? Will this candlestick ever get any manners? And What IS that thing in her room with a frying pan?
1. The beastly beginning

A Roy mustang was a powerful colonel! He ruled with an iron fist! And this clearly means, that when a knock is heard at the door, Roy must answer it.

knock knock

Roy frowned. He should get a doorbell installed. Ah well...doorbells are for sissies anyways.

Roy went over and answered the door. Almost all at once he was shocked and fell backwards. He stared at what was at the door and eventually stood up.

What appeared to be at the door was an old hag. Veru ugly. VERY ugly. Insanely ugly. In fact, she was so ugly that her eyeball fell out.

" oops. Lemme just get that." she said as she bent over to pick up her eyeball. She popped her eye back in her head and looked at Roy.

" Excuse me young man, may i stay here for the night? I'm very cold you see and I need somewhere to stay." she said.

Roy frowned. This woman was so ugly that she was almost making Roy look ugly.

" Um...you can't stay here...only officers and people like that are aloud in here."

The hag looked amazed. But eventually she calmed down. She took out a dandelion.

" I'll give you this nice flower. It matches your face." said the hag.

" Are you saying that my face looks like a filthy weed with a bug on it?" asked Roy.

The hag sighed," look, can I stay here or not?"

" No way."

The hag looked angry. And all of a sudden, she turned into the most beautiful woman Roy had ever seen. Wow! She sure was pretty! In fact, Roy was right about ready to ask her to marry him when she said,

" You are selfish! I will curse you and all that live in this castle!"

Roy looked around. Castle?

" Lady, this isn't a castle. It's centrel HQ" said Roy.

" SILENCE."roared the now beautiful hag," You will be cursed and blah blah blah!"

And so, it began. The crossover of Full Metal Alchemist...and Beuty and the Beast.


	2. The proposal

Meanwhile in a much happier section of the worlde, aka: across the street from HQ...

Riza walked out of her house. She needed a job. In fact, she was going to go get one right now. Riza crossed the street to the headquarters of the military. However, right before she walked inside HQ, the building dissapeared.

Riza blinked. This was odd. I mean the blinking thing, usually, Riza licked her eyeballs to keep them moist. Ok that was just grossm, nevermind.

Riza then procceded in the frowning action. She needed a job. Oh well. She then walked home and saw someone on her front lawn. He had poofy red pants, a wierd necklace, long silver hair, and a poofy red shirt. Another interesting feature was the cat-like ears perched atop his head. Riza reconized him at one. Inuyasha. Ugh. Not again.

Inuyasha ran right up to Riza.

" Riza! I have an important question to ask you!" he yelled.

Riza walked towards her house totally ignoring him. Inuyasha grabed her arm. He wasn't about to give up.

" Riza, I think you are the most beautiful girl in the world." he said as the THREE Kagomas behind him burst into tears.

Riza rolled her eyes. She didn't see what was so special about Inuyasha.

Inuyasha continued his speech," I Know that I am probably the single most handsome man you have ever seen in your entire life."

Riza rolled her eyes again. Inuyasha had a big head full of hot air in her opinion.

" So, Riza...I now ask you...Will you take my hand in marrige?"

Riza sighed. What a dunce.

" Tell me Riza...Will it be..yes or...mhmhmmhmm yeeeess?"

" Neither. I choose No."

Inuyasha thought a moment and then replied," Umm...I don't think that was a choice."

" I know it wasn't a choice. I hate you. Get lost..."

Inuyasha looked angry. This wasn't a big suprise. Riza then got an idea and pulled Inuyasha up to her door.

" Stand right there ok?" she said.

" Anything for you my pookie bear!' He replied stupidly.

Riza opened the door, and then slammed it in Inuyasha's face.

This caused Inuyasha to fall backwards into a mud-puddle that had recently materialized out of nowhere. Not soon afterwards, A pig materialized on his head. When Inuyasha pulled it off, about five more appeared on his head.

" Where are all these damn pigs coming from!" he roared as he crawled out of the mud and saw a familiar face with two inch long buck teeth. La' Shippo. His sidekick.

" Hey, don't worry Inuyasha! Belle..er..Riza will come to her senses eventually! Until then i can sing about how fat and ugly i am! fat fat fat fat! Oh so fat! Why so fat? Fat frat! Imma fat prat frat boy!" He sang. ( No offense to Shippo,I really love him.)

Inuyasha frowned. He needed a new sidekick.

At that moment, the three Kagomes that followed Inuyasha around all began to try and comfort him about Riza, whom they claimed, was just an ugly git.

" Shaddup!" He roared as him and La' Shippo walked away.


	3. He ATE the taxcollecter!

Roy walked around centrel HQ which now looked exactly like a castle. Roy was very confused, he had become a beast! A beast! How dreadful! It wasn't his fault that the hag was so damn ugly. Roy turned the corner and saw a candlestick with a cigarette jammed into his mouth.

The candlestick looked at him and then asked," Who are you?"

" I'm Roy...I think..." replied Roy.

The candlestick jumped into the air joyfully.

" Oh boy! It's really you! I finally found you! It's me, Havoc!" Havoc the candlestick said.

Roy looked at him. He had a really big nose now. Oh well, best not to comment. Eh...the nose reminded him of Usabe...yucko! Wait...what does yucko mean anyways?

Havoc looked around. Everything seemed so much larger to him now. Creepy. Creeeepy! C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-reeeeeepy! Creepy tha-aa-ng!

Ding dong!

Roy sighed and went to answer the door.

"Hello?" Said Roy as he glared at the man.

The man looked at him.

" I'm from the IRS." Said the man

Roy outraged at this and ate the guy. Really he did. This suprised Havoc.

" You ate him!" Havoc screamed.

" I didn't mean to..it it was an- I didn't do!" Roy quickly explained.

" You still ATE him!" Havoc screamed even louder.

At that moment a mace walked over. It was Maes hughes! Get it? Maes...Mace...

" Hey Havoc! Is this Roy?" he asked.

Havoc nodded. " Yeah it is."

Maes hopped over to Roy and looked at him.

" Geez, I thought I was bad. Look at you!" he said disgustedly.

Roy growled and flew up to west wing.

Havoc and Maes looked at eachother. They still needed to find soem other people.


	4. Bill Cosby the WACKY inventor!

Fuhrur Bradley was killing someone right now. But who gives a crap anyways? This story is about Roy and Riza.

Meanwhile at Riza...

Riza walked into her house and saw someone sitting on her couch.

He had white hair, and was black. Not to mention, his name was Bill Cosby.

Riza lifted an eyebrow. What was Bill Cosby doing in her living room?

" Um..Why are you in my living room?" she asked him.

Bill Cosby looked up from his newspaper. He stared intentlly at Riza. He then smiled.

" Riza, I'm your father. Ya know? Maurice? Thaaaaaat's me! Yup yup yup. Iiiiiiii'mMauuuuuurrriiiiiicce!"He said.

Riza rolled her eyes andbegan to push him out of her house.

" I'm a wacky inventor!" He claimed.

" Yes, yesI know, Now get outta my house."

Bill Cos- eh-hem Maurice frowned.He then jumped out of Rizas kitchen window singing a song about Aramadillos.

Riza sat down in an armchair. Yes indeed, it was going to be a looong day today...

Bill Cosby then stuck his head in through the window.

" Hey guess what? I have 10 million dollars in my left pocket! And I'm going out into the woods where there are rabid wolves whom, would love to get their greedy little paws on me! Not to mention I don't have a will, so whoever finds my dead body first gets my money! Isn't that great?" He said with a big goofy smile.

Riza lifted an eyebrow. This guy was wierd. But he was rich. So, Riza followed him outside and watched him drive into the forset on some kind of 1500's contraption.

Riza sighed. She should go after him. Hm...Actually she was pretty hungry right now...She might as well go after him in three days instead...


	5. Riza meets the beasty

Three days passed. Riza mainly spent the three days teaching Black Hayate how to play poker. So far, Black Hayate had mastered his..er..her? I dunno. Well, the important thing is that now, Black Hayate has a poker face.

Riza walked outside. It was chilly today. She sighed. She might as well go chase after crazy ol' Bill Cosby. So, she did, And on her way she meet a charming young lady named Naruto Uzumaki. But Eventually, Naruto had to go leave for some kind of exam.

Riza was now in the middle of the forset and she saw a castle. It was night-time so she decided to walk up and knock on the door.

Knock knock

No answer.

Knock knock

Nothing.

Knock knock!

Nuthin'. Zilch. Nada.

Riza shrugged and just decided to walk right on in. When she first walked in, she was awestruck. This castle was enormous! Wow! It had so much gold, and beautiful colors and...

A cage? With a certain Bill Cosby inside of it? Hmmm...Interesting.

Riza walked over to the cage and observed it. There was a 'Do not feed the animals' sign on it.

" Riza, Save me." Begged Bill Cosby.

Riza frowned. She couldn't just let him rot here. She had to many morals. Damn you morals!

" Ok ok. I'll try and get you out, Just lemme pick the lock" she said

However, Riza did not get an opportunity to pick the lock, because, at that moment, A horrible beast ran over to her. It was beign followed by a rather grumpy looking candlestick with a cigarette jammed into its mouth.

" WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE GIRL!"roared the beast.

Riza froze. What was that thing? Oh well, best not to stare.

" I'm rescuing Bill Cosby from this castle. You got a problem with that?" She asked.

The beast roared. The candlestick lite another cigarette and threw the old one behind his back. In fact, the candlestick was acting like this happened everyday.

" Yes i do have a problem with that!" roared the beast again.

" Why can't you just let him go?" she asked.

" Because! He's my prisoner!"

" So? What's the point of having a prisoner?"

" Well.. umm..It..it's very important! Uh..well...He's fun to poke with a stick..." The beast admitted.

The candlestick then hopped over tothe beast and started whispering something to him.

The beats nodded and smiled evilly at Riza. Two words. Not good.


	6. The wardrobes eyeballs

The beast looked at Riza and smiled an evil smile. Hey, wait didn't he already do that? Hmmm oh well...

The beast then pulled Bill Cosby out of the cage and threw him out the window. Therefore, Bill Cosby was never seen again. The beast then looked at Riza.

" You," he said," You stay here, in this castle. Ya got that?"

Riza looked angry.

" Fine, oh wonderful master." she said angrily.

The beast smiled.

" Good, Now, Havoc? You escort her to her room." The beast said.

The candlestick grumbled something about being a slave and then started to escort Riza to her room.

" My name's Havoc, If you haven't guessed yet. Well, that's what everyone calls me at least. My real name Is really stupid and is probably a girls name. So call me Havoc." Havoc said.

" Ok. Um..I'm Riza." Riza said.

" Yeah, I really don't care." Replied Havoc.

Riza frowned. Havoc was not very nice to her.

Eventually, after seemingly pointless hours of walking around, Riza and Havoc came to a room.

" In ya go!" Said Havoc as he tossed Riza into her room and closed the door.

Riza landed on the floor. EWW! It smelled like potato chips! Yucko! ( There's that word again!)

Riza stood up and looked around . Her new room was beautiful...somewhat...It had a greenish carpet, Golden curtains, a brown wooden chest with a mirror on it, and a curios looking white wardrobe.

Riza sat down on her new blue bed. At that moment, the wardrobe opened its eyes. That's right. It's eyes. EYES baby, EYES!

The wardrobe stumbled over to Riza and smiled.

" Hello dearie, would you like a new dress? The one you're wearing is so old and ugly." The wardrobe offered.

Riza was amazed. This castle had a beast, a talking smoking candlestick, and now...this...

" Um...no thanks..." Riza answered.

The wardrobe looked angry.

...Meanwhile at Roy and Havoc...

Roy was pacing in the west wing. Havoc was watching him and smoking a cigarette.

" Roy, maybe you shouldn't be so mean to her." Havoc suggested.

" It's in my charecter to be mean." said Roy as he showed Havoc the script.

Havoc looked angry. " I know what the script says, Roy. I've read it more than you have."

Roy Roared. RR. Get it? It's an allitaration. Hey! That's one too! An alliteration! AA!

Roy then began to pace back and forth again. Havoc took out another cigarette and jammed it into his mouth despite the fatc that he already he three jammed into his mouth.

Roy glanced at a certain dandelion inside of a glass dome. Havoc frowned.

" The petals are wilting aren't they?" He asked already knowing the answer.

Roy nodded and said," If the spell isn't broken soon, then the curse will become permanant."

Havoc frowned and looked at his watch.

" Holy crap. We only have eight-teen more hours until dinner tomarrow." He said.

Roy had a perplexed look on.

" Why is that so bad?" he asked.

Havoc sighed. " We have to get a LOT of things ready. In fact, I'm going to go start getting ready now."

Roy nodded and looked at the dandelion. Hope was running out. And now, the most boring chapter...was over...


	7. SPAM!

The next day, Riza woke up and got out of bed. The wardrobe complained about her wearing a nice dress instead of her filthy old rags, but Riza refused the offer and told her to get a life.

Riza walked downstairs and into the huge dinning room.

The first thing she noticed, was the large amount of household appliances all getting ready for something and rehersing Stuff and crap like that. The second thing she noticed, was that Havoc was going around being very bossy and grumpy.

Riza walked up to Havoc.

" Are you being a mister grumpypants?" she asked with a mock-baby tone in her voice.

Havoc looked at her angrily, lit another cigarette, and jammed it into his mouth.

" Don't annoy me Riza, I've been up all night planning soemthing and i'm about to open up a can of whoopin' on all yall" he said.

Riza lifted an eyebrow. Can of whoopin? What the crap? Oh well...

At that moment, a fork walked by Havoc with a can of something. Havoc grabbed the can and looked at it.

" SPAM!" Havoc cried.

" Yeah...spam" answered the fork a bit confused.

Havoc began to spaz out.

" WE CAN'T GIVE OUR GUEST OF HONOR SPAM!" he screamed.

The fork was horrified. " Why not?" it feebly asked.

" Because it's SPAM!"

" spam?"

"SPAM! SPAMMITY SPAM SPAM SPAMMER SPAMMITY SPAM!"

The fork got a good idea and began to sing a familiar song.

_" Spam spam spam spam,_

_Oh wonderful spaaam!_

_Such glorious spam! _

_Oh wonderful spaaaaaaam!_

_spam spam spam spam spammity spam! _

_SPAM!"_

The fork smiled and stopped singing. Havoc looked at it angrily. He clearly did not think that spam was the best choice.

" Replace the spam with something more elegant, more peppy, more...what's the word?"

The fork paused and answered.." Gay?"

Havoc looked at the fork angrily. " I am not going to get into a totally different musical! Now go replace that godforsaken spam!"

The fork looked worried.

" what?" asked Havoc.

" What should I replace it WITH?" asked the fork.

Havoc sighed. "I dunno. Creape's, Veal, Draco Malfoy stew, just anything except for spam!"

The fork nodded. " yes sir" it said and scurried away.

Riza frowned and walked away. She had all day to do stuff and she wasn't sure what she wanted to do.

At that moment, A tea pot walked over to her.

" Hello dearie, would you like some tea? It comes straight out of my nose!" offered the teapot happily.

Riza paused and looked at the teapot.

" Um...no thanks. I'm uh...I'm good..and anyways...I don't want anything that comes out of your nose." Riza replied.

ding dong

Havoc rang over to the door and looked up at the door knob. He got ready to jump. He jumped and turned the doorknob. The door flew open only to reveal a man with a red outfit.

" Hi there. I'm From the IRS and I heard that a taxcollecter went missing here earlier. I need to collect your taxes." The man said.

Havoc eyeballed the man suspisiosly.

" You're not getting my money copper!" Havoc yelled as he took out a shotgun and shot the jerk in the heart.

The guy fell over and died. Blood, guts, and stomach contents came out of the injury. Not to mention Hello Kitty Cyborg!

Riza frowned and closed the door. She then looked at Havoc who was talking the the fork about spam again...she might as well go to the library or something.


	8. Be our guest! Or else!

Riza did go to the library and she eventually fell asleep reading a very silly book about a boy named milo, a watchdog, a Humbug, two kidnapped princesses, and two kings who argue over the most important things in the world.

When Riza fell asleep she began to dream.

" There's no way I'll give it to you." Dargon said.

Riza tried to get it, but she wasn't able to. Why was Dargon always so mean?

" Mom said you have to share it!" stated Riza as she grabbed it out of Dargons hands.

Dargon looked amazed. " How dare you! My platypus-duck is worth more than it ever will be!"

Riza rolled her eyes. Dargon and his platypus. They were inseperable.

" Your platypus-duck can go jump in the candy land stream!" She shouted.

Dargon looked insulted.

" I'm telling mom what you said!" He shouted as he ran off to go tell mom what she said.

" Noo! Don't! Nooooooooo"

Riza woke up. Who was Dargon? Oh well. She looked at her watch. Holy shrimp! It was 6:00 pm! She had been sleeping for a looooong time.

Riza stood up and began to walk to the kitchen. She was hungry. She haden't eaten all day.

However, when she got to the kitchen she was denied entrance by Havoc.

" Riza, you can't get through here. Only members can go into the kitchen right now." he said as he jammed a cigarette into his noise-hole.

Riza frowned. She was sooooo hungry!

Riza walked away. But, just as quickly as she walked away, she was escorted to the dinning room by a rather small, grandfather clock.

" You can't leave now miss crap face. You have to eat dinner." the clock said.

Riza had an angry look on. Why was everyone here so rude?

Eventually, they got to the dinning room, and the whole table was empty except for one, lone, candlestick. Havoc.

Havoc frowned and threw one of his cigarettes out. He couldn't sing and smoke at the same time.

Riza sat down in a chair. There were no plates in front of her. How was she supposed to eat?

Havoc told a passing spoon to start the music and then he turned back to Riza.

"Ok...now, we proudly present..._your dinner" _Havoc said.

_" be...our...guest. Be our guest. Put our service to the test! _

_Tie your napkin 'round your neck cherre and oui provide the rest._

_Hours'devoures, soup de' jour, Ma'am we only live to serve!_

_Try the gray stuff it's delicious! Don't belive me? Ask the dishes! _

_They can sing! They can dance!_

_After all miss, this is france! And a dinner here is never second best! _

_Come on unfold your menu, take a glance and then you'll be our guest, oui our guest! Be our gueeest!" _

Havoc paused as three meals hopped past Riza. He was now somewhat getting into the song.

" _Beef ragou', cheese souflau', pie and pudding on flambea!_

_We'll provide a culinary cavaray! _

_You're alone and you're scared! But the banquets all prepared!"_

I'm not alone or scared.." Riza said much to Havoc displeasure.

" Will you shut up? I'm trying to finsih the song!" Havoc barked at her.

Havoc continued his song,

_" No ones gloomy or complaining, while the flatwares entertaining!_

_They tell jokes, I do tricks, with my fellow candlesticks! _

_And it's all in perfect taste that you can beeeeeeet!_

_Come on and lift your glass! You've won your own free pass!_

_To be our guest, be our guest, be our gueeeest! " _

At that moment, a clock walked by and Havoc grabbed its arm, much to its displeasure.

_" Life...is so unerving, for a servant, whose not serving, _

_He's not whole...without a soul...to wait upon... _

_Ten years! We've been rusting, needing so much more than dusting! _

_Needing excersise, a chance to use our skill! _

_Moooost days we just sit around the caastle! _

_Fat, be-flat and lazy! You walk in and oopsie daisy!_

A teapot then ran out to the table and began to sing.

_" It's a guest! It's a guest!_ _Thanks alive, and I'll be blessed!_

_Wines been poured and thank the lord! I've had the napkins freshly pressed. _

_With desert she'll want tea, and my dear, that's fine with me, _

_While the cups do their shoe-shufflin' i'll be bubbling I'll be brewing!_

_I'll get warm, piping hoot!_

_Heaven sakes! Is that a spoot? _

_Clean it up we want the company impressed! _

_We've got a lot to do!_

_Is it one lump or two? _

_For she our guuueeessst! _

_She our gueeeesst! _

_It's a guest! It's a guest! It's been ten years!_

_And were obbsessed! _( with FMA)

_We just hope that you'll keep going, while the candlelight_s _still glowing! _

_Course...by...course!_

_One by one! _

_Till you shout! Enough I'm done!_

_Then we'll sing you off the sleep as you digeeeest!_

_And then you'll prop your feet up,_

_But for now, lets eat up, _

_Be our gueeeest!_

_Be our guessst! _

_PLEASE BE OUR GUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSST!" ( or else) _

Riza frowned. What was all that for?

Havoc looked exhausted.

" Time for the tour!" He shouted.

Riza got angry.

" I didn't eat anything yet! All I did was watch a whole bunch of objects sing to me!"

Havoc frowned.

" Exactly, belle didn't complain." He said.

" Well I am!" Riza complained.

Havoc sighed. She actually wanted to EAT...great...


	9. Innocent forks

Riza looked around at the table.

Havoc hopped over to her,

" It's time for the tour!" He said.

Riza frowned. She was hungry. And so far, she haden't gotten anything to eat.

" I'm hungry. I didn't manage to get any food during your song." She said.

Havoc rolled his eyes and forcefully said, " Fine! What do you want?"

Riza thought a moment and then replied,

" Soup, Wine, pudding, and steak."

Havoc sighed and pushed the food she asked for, over to her.

Riza smiled and was about to eat her steak when she relized...

" I need a fork" She said.

Havoc threw his arms in the air.

" Fine! Is there anything else you need my majesty?"

Riza looked angry. But she shook her head. Everything seemed to be accounted for.

" No, everything I need is here, except for the fork of course, which you still are neglecting to get me." she said.

Havoc looked similar to the bombing of Hiroshema when she said that. Not one of his good days. No no no.

Havoc walked away and came back with a fork that was screaming about some wierd girl named Shari. Havoc threw the fork at Riza.

" Here! Ya happy now?" He asked.

Riza shook her head. " No. I can't eat with all that cigarette smoke in the air. It's disgusting"

Havocs eye twitched.

" I will not put out my cigarette. Now eat before i have to shoot you." he said.

Riza looked angry.

" Put that cigarette out now. It's disgusting. The smoke is getting in all my food!"

Havoc threw his arms in the air. " FINE! FINE! I'LL PUT OUT MY CIGARETTE!" he yelled.

Havoc then walked over to Rizas soup bowl and threw his cigarette in it.

" EWWW! I can't eat my soup NOW!" She yelled.

" WHY NOT?" havoc yelled back.

" BECAUSE! Now its got ashes and crap in it!"

Havoc looked in the bowl. " I dont see ANY crap in there!"

"OMG! Thats not what i mean!"

"WELL WHAT DO YOU MEAN!"

Riza began to turn red. " NEVERMIND! I've lost my appetite!" she said as she pushed away her bowl.

Havoc turned red as well. " I GOT THE FOOD READY SO YOU HAVE TO EAT IT! He yelled.

Riza tried to calm herself down.

" Fine, I'll eat, but i want some new soup. This soup is disgusting."

Havoc twitched but pushed a new bowl of soup over to her.

Riza looked at intently, determinded to find a mistake in it somehow.

" Oh great job Mr. Clever, you got wax in the soup." She said.

Havoc screamed and pushed the bowl of soup over. The soup got all over Rizas other food.

" Great job! Now I need some new food since this food is soaking wet!"

Havocs head probably would've exploded at that moment if the fanfic writer didn't need to use him later on.

Havoc pushed over some new food and shoved the wet food off of the table. It landed on an innocent fork. Ha ha. Stupid forks.

Riza smiled at the food. But then, she frowned. The soup was still all over the table.

" I need a napkin." She said much to Havocs displeasure.

"**FINE! JUST FINE! I'LL GET YOU A #! NAPKIN!"** Havoc screamed.

* * *

Meanhwhile at Roy, 

Roy was wondering about all this screaming.

He was at the opposite end of the castle.

* * *

Havoc walked over to another innocent fork and picked it up. He then stabbed a napkin with it.

The napkin and fork where both screaming and freaking out.

Havoc walked over to Riza.

" Here's your wonderful napkin my queen of the entire world!" Havoc screamed.

Rizas eyes bugged out and she quickly pulled the napkin off of the fork. The napkin and fork both ran away crying.

The rest of the dinner was completly silent and Riza finished her meal.

" It's about time! Now it's time for the #$! Tour! Get of your #$ you &$#!" Havoc yelled a he hopped off of the table.

Riza...did not like this candlestick...at all...

* * *

**Holy It took me a looooong time to update this fanfic! Sorry bout that! okay not really. **  



	10. There is NOTHING in the west wing

The tour continued as normal..If you count a normal tour as Riza being dragged around the castle without even being given the chance to take a second look at things.

Havoc gestured to a door, then to another, then to another, all the while he was saying, " This is this, and that is that. And you aren't allowed to go over there, and if you do, the master will murder you."

Riza decided to stop and look at a very pretty redish orangish glass statue she saw. It was shaped like a dragon spitting fire and it was very detailed. The dragons flames where blue and purple, but it's body was red and orange. It had green emerald eyes, and long blackish wings on its back. It appeared to be fighting a small blue knight. Ooooh. That knight was getting roasted. Riza was about to take a closer look at the small, roasted, knight, but havoc grabbed her hand and started to walk away.

" Come on! Hurry up! You're so damn slow! Can't you go any faster! I wanna get this over with!" Havoc yelled. Riza sighed.

"If you wanna finish so badly, why don't you just stop now?" Riza suggested. She would much rather give herself the tour.

Havoc lit another cigarette, took out some papers and showed them to Riza.

" The script says that I have to give you a tour! Now hurry up! I'd rather be doing other things right now." Havoc said as he grabbed the script out of Rizas hands.

Havoc and Riza continued to walk through the castle for a long time. Havoc was trying as hard as he could to make this time shorter. In fact, the only thing that he said about the whole left side of the castle was

" That's the left side, blah blah blah. It's really stupid and boring. "

Eventually, Riza and Havoc were finished with the tour, and they ended at a long red, twisting, staircase going upwards. The staircase had gold statues all along the railing, and a chandelier right above it. For a moment, Riza thought that the chandelier was going to say something to her. However, she soon relized, that it was alive as a rock. Which, by the way, is not alive at all.

" Oh, and, that's the west wing. You are _**NOT **_allowed to go in there. _**EVER. "**_Havoc said as he motioned to the staircase. Riza began to wonder what was at the TOP of the staircase. Because, after all, staircases do not simply lead on forever. Unless of course, they go to the wonderful land of infinity. In that case, they DO lead on forever. But this staircase leaded to the west wing. Not the wonderful land of infinity. Ha ha.

" What's in the west wing that I shouldn't be seeing?" Riza asked as she began to walk up the stairs. Havoc immedietly blocked her way.

" There is _**NOTHING**_ in the west wing. Absoulutly _**NOTHING."**_ Havoc reassured. Riza smiled smugly.

" If there's nothing in the west wing, why shouldn't I be allowed in?" She asked as she pushed Havoc aside. Havoc got in front of her again.

" You shouldn't be allowed in the west wing because um..becasue...we have a library! And I know that you would much rather go there!" Havoc said as he began to push Riza back down the stairs. Riza frowned. She did not want to go to the library. Nor would she go to the library anytime soon.

" I don't want to go to the library. I want to go to the west wing!" Riza complained. Havoc sighed and took out the script. He nodded.

" Right then, Well, the script says that I'm supposed to go away babbling about the library." havoc said.

And so, he did. Havoc began to walk away babbling about the library and crap like that. Riza smiled. NOW, she could finally go to the west wing!

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**I know, i know. This chapter was short. But, what the heck? In the NEXT chapter, Riza wakes up to a VERY unpleasant suprise. :) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review! **


	11. Pansies!

**Disclaimer: Alphonse Elric is extremly _good lookin'_ as a human. Oh, and I don't own FMA...**

**-**--------------------------------------------------line thingy not working. Blame Gaara.-------------------------------------------

Riza ran up the stairs to the west wings. As she was running she was also glancing at some of the golden statues on the railing. Many of them appeared to be flowers like, roses, dandelions, daisies, and worst of all, PANSIES! Riza stopped in front of one of the golden PANSIES!

" What a pansy!" She commented. She then walked up to a large golden basket filled with large golden PANSIES!

" What a bunch of pansies! Pansies pansies pansies!" She exclaimed.

The rest of the journey up the stairs was boring, the golden statues, were now mostly all goblin things, and there were still many more stairs to climb.

Eventually, Riza got to the next floor. She looked around. Havoc was right. There was nothing but junk up here. She walked over to a ripped painting. It appeared to be a painting of some wierd bald guy, but it was hard to tell. Riza continued walking through the junky room. There were dozons of pie tins all over the place.

Riza moved a curtain out of the way. Then, she saw a very strange looking dandelion. The dandelion was standing straight up on its stem, and had an odd golden glow around its petals. There was also a dome thing over it. Riza frowned. This was most confusing.

Riza slowely removed the dome thing. She was about to pick up the dandelion and eat it when...

" HEY! YOU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE!" a voice roared. Riza immedietly put the dome back on the flower and turned around. There stood the beast ( Roy). He looked very angry. Oh dear. Not good.

The beast ran over to Riza and pushed her out of the way. He then began to examine the flower. He turned around to face Riza.

" DIDN'T ANYBODY TELL YOU NOT TO COME UP HERE?" He roared. Riza was alarmed.

" Well, yeah, but normally I don't listen to people much. Like this one time when I was five, My mom told me to go to school and so I took out a pigeon and I-"

" **SHUT UP!" **Roy roared. Ha Ha. Another stupid alliteration..lol...

Riza sighed and started to leave.

" Fine Mr. Grumpypants, I'll leave you and your precious Dandelion alone." She said.

Roy stuck his tongue out at her. How mature.

Riza walked downstairs and looked at the clock. It was really late. She might as well go to sleep.

------------------------------------------------------------no it's not the end of the chapter yet...---------------------

Riza was having a strange dream about some wierd shortish guy with black hair and glasses. He claimed that his name was Niak and he really loved cats. How very odd.

--------------------------------------------------------Riza woke up!-----------------------------That was quick wasn't it?--------

Riza woke up to a very odd sight. There was a red lizard thing standing on her and smiling. He was carrying a frying pan with eggs and bacon in it.

" It's bacon an' eggs an' it's happy to see ya!" The lizard exclaimed . Riza screamed as jumped in the air. The red lizard thing began to chase her around the room. Riza reached for her gun...But it wasn't there! Oh no! The lizard thing began to chase her around the room brandising the frying pan and...hey...what does brandishing mean anyways? oh well, I guess I shall never know.

Riza ran out of the room, and locked the Lizard in there. When she ran out, she almost stepped on Havoc, whom appeared to be ready to knock on her door. He looked at her for a second or two and then asked.

" So...Where's the fire?"

Riza quickly explained,

" There's a wierd lizard red, big, frying pan egg thing in my room and it's trying to hit me with a frying pan!" She yelled, her eyes slightly bugging out.

Havoc nodded. " I'll take care of this." he said. Havoc walked away and came back with a shotgun.

He walked into the room and shot the lizard. It fell over and died. Riza walked in. She looked at the lizard.

" It's tail is still twicting! ewww!" She exclaimed. Havoc frowned. and hopped onto a window sill.

" Pick it up, and throw it out the window." He demanded. Riza nodded and threw the lizard out the window. Havoc took aim, and fired his shotgun at it. A whole bunch of blood and stuff flew out of it. Havco shot at it again. A foot came off.

Meanwhile at Roy whom was looking out a window...

A lizard foot smacked aginst the window Roy was looking out.

" What the Hell?.!"

Back at Riza and Havoc...

" Well, it's dead now. Hopefully it won't come back to life as a zombie." Havoc said.

**_" WHAT?"_** Riza yelled, " ZOMBIE?"

Havoc nodded.

" Yeah, it happens alot. Hopefully not this time though." he said. Riza sighed and decided to not worry about zombies right now. So, she went downstairs to have some tasty breakfast!

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**How'd you like it? I think it's a little longer than the other chapters...So.. please review and stuff!**


	12. What is the malty liqour?

**Disclaimer: Hahahahaha! I'm not GOING to put up a disclaimer! Ya know why?.! CUZ LAWYERS DON'T READ FANFICS! Mwahahahahah! Just watch me not put one up! Just watch me! **

**Ha! Told you I wouldn't put one up! I TOLD YOU!**

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Meanwhile at Inu-Yasha and La shippo whom had dissapeared ever since chapter two...

Inu-yasha was at the village pub. He was bummed that Riza haden't become his wife. What was so bad about him? Nothing! He was perfect as could be! He was the most popular guy in town! And Riza was the most beautiful girl in town! They were meant for eachother! They were destined to get married!

" Hey Inuyasha! Don't be so down in the dumps! So what if Riza dumped you? There are pleanty of other fish in the sea! Like goldfish, and sunfish, and catfish, and tuna and salmon and shrimp and clams and oysters, of course they're kinda like clams aren't they? And minoes and guppies and seahorses and starfish and jellyfish and squids and octopuses and anchovies! But don't marry any anchovies, they don't taste good on pizza. They're too salty and slimy and bleah! Why, One time I tried some anchovies and-" La shippo said, but inuyasha grabbed him by the neck.

" I.dont.care.about.fish." he said sternly and dropped him. La shippo frowned. How was he supposed to cheer inuyasha up? He didn't want him in a bad mood, that's for sure. He remembered the last time inuyasha was in a bad mood. That...that wasn't fun. La shippo turned to the bartender.

" Another beer. " He said. The bartender nodded and filled a mug up with the stuff.

" Here Inuyasha. Have the answer to all problems! Alchohol! Just drown your miseries in this for a while and you'll feel just fine!" La shippo said enthusiastically. Inuyasha sighed and grabbed the beer. He drained it in one gulp. Impressive isn't it? Inuyasha clonked the mug down on the bar and sighed, still trying to figure out what was wrong with him.

La shippo frowned. Usually, it only took a little beer to make him stop acting so damn depressed. Then, something ignited in La shippos tiny brain. Time for a song!

La shippo cleared his throat and prepared to sing a familiar song.

"_ooooh..._

_What is the multi liqour? what gets you druken quicker? _

_What comes in bottles or in cans?_

_BEER!_

_Can't get enough of it!_

_BEER!_

_How we really love it! _

_BEER!_

_makes me think imma man!_

_I could kiss and hug it!_

_BEER! _

_But I'd rather chug it! _

_BEER!_

_Fill my belly up to heereee! _

_I could not refuse it, I could really use it, _

_Beer beer beer. Beer beer beer beer beer!_

_I can't remember how much I have had! _

_I drank a twelve pack! burp With my dad!_

_Thaaaaaat's my son the drunken manly stud! I'm proud to be his bud!_

_Here have some pretzels._

_Noooo I'll call it quits! Those things give me the shlits!_

_Ahahaha!_

_Drink with your family, drink it with your friends! _

_Drink till you're faaaat, stomach, disdends._

_Beeeeeer, is liquid bread . It's good for you! We like to fdrink till we spew! _

_EEWWW!_

_Who cares if we get fat?_

_I'll drink to that! As we sing once more..._

_What is the multi liqour? What gets you drunken quicker?_

_What comes in bottles or in cans? _

_BEER! _

_can't get enough of it!_

_BEER! _

_How we really love it!_

_BEER!_

_Makes me think imma man! _

_I could kiss and hug it!_

_BEER! _

_But i'd rather chug it!_

_BEER! _

_Fill my belly up to heeeerre! _

_Golly I adore it! Come on! Damn import it! Brew it for me! feed it to me! Speed it to me! _

_THE MOST WONDERUFL DRINK IN THE WORLD.._

_**HOORAY! buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrp..." **_

Everyone sang. Ha, you thought only La shippo was singing didn't you? Well, he was. But eventually, everyone joined in. By the time the song was over, everyone was completly drunk. Even inuyasha. After all, who could resist beer? That's right nobody.

Inuyasha smiled. So what about Ol' what's her face? Ha ha...so what?...ha ha ha...beer...ha ha...

" I tell you La shippo...That was a good song!" Inuyasha mumbled to someone who was most certainly NOT La shippo. Inuyasha wiped his mouth on his sleeve. Ahhhh...beer...

Eventually though, everyone stopped being so damn drunk because drunk doesn't make good plot.

La shippo walked over to Inuyasha.

" Inuyasha, what are we gonna do about Riza?" He asked. Inuyasha smirked.

" La Shippo my friend I've been thinking,"

" A dangerous pastime."

" I know. But the cogs in my head have been turning you see and i've got us a plan."

La shippo frowned at the rthemic pattern of the conversation they just had. It could've been in a song. Hmmm...

" Now listen up. Ya know that old, loon, man Bill Cosby?"

" The crazy inventor?"

" That's him. You should know i've been thinking, about that crazy old loon."

La shippo sighed. What was WITH the rythemic patterns in their speech?

" I'm thinking that we should, go and hire my dear old sweet friend."

" the one working the asylum?"

" yeah, that's him. We should hire him to put crazy bill cosby in jail, and then Riza will come running." Inuyasha said.

La shippo sighed with relief. He had finally stopped talking in rythmic patterns.

Inuyasha whispered his plan into La shippos ear. La shippo nodded. It sounded resonable. nd logical...But was it even legal?

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**So, did you like it? I bet you weren't expecting the beer song now here ya?.! Yeah! Oh, and by the way, if you wanna hear the song that was sung in this lovely chapter, go to youtube and search fma BEER orgazmogirl. Yup. Oh and reveiw reveiw reveiw!  
**

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	13. Frank schmitzel is a shady guy

**Disclaimer:I don't own FMAor inuyasha! I'm just a snot nosed kid! However, I DO own Frank Schmitzel.**

**This chpater is dedicated to Obeythesnarf! Cuz spetember 15th is her birthday! **

----------------------------------------------guess what? The lines are working again! Guess what else? I lied.------------------

Inuyasha and la shippo walked to the village asylum...place...It wasn't easy getting there either. They had to stop and ask for directions eight times, much to inuyasha's displeasure. Eventually however, they got there.

The village asylum was a big place. It had nicely cut trees in nice neat rows and nice neat branches. The walkway was paved perfectly and the flowers on the sides looked as if they beloned in the wizard of Oz. The door was even, tidy, and a pleasant light brown. Inuyasha and La shippo walked up to the door and knocked. All of a sudden, it was night time and it began to rain. Inuyasha looked up.

" Intersting wheather we've been having isn't it?" He asked. La shippo nodded.

" Totally funkadelic dude. I, like, totally wanna bottle it and keep it next to a bottle rainbow." La shippo said. Inuyasha looked at him.

" What is wrong with you? Why do i even let you follow me around?" He asked. La shippo shrugged.

" Comic releif?"

The door swung open. In the door was a man. He had long white hair, a crooked nose, two bloodshot green eyes, a hunched back, long dirty fingers, and...A jazzy pinstripe suit!

" Come in." He said horsely. His voice sounded like grinding metal. Because of this, he wasn't easy to understand.

Inuyasha and La shippo stepped inside. The inside of the asylum looked just how you would expect an asylum to look. It had lots of rooms with people in straight jackets, and a long creepy hallway that appeared to lead to hell or something like that.

" Visiting someone sir or...well..requesting someone.." Asked the man boredly.

"Requesting." Inuyasha replied. The man smiled an evil smile and lead them down the hallway to hell. It was a long and horrible journey. And by that I mean they walked for about a minute and a half. But still! Has it EVER taken you a minute and a half to walk down a hallway? That must be one damn long hallway! Just imagine how many doors were on the walls! Imagine how many rooms they could fit! REALLY! THINK ABOUT IT!

They got to the end of the 'holy #$ that's a long hallway' hallway. The old man opened a door and they stepped in. The room was dark. And there was the essence of..not _evil..._just...badness...not to mention, there were two small yellow eyes at the other end of the room. hey hey! i can type without lookin! look at that! sweeeeet. ha ha ha! My eyes do not even gaze at the keyboard!

" You have a requestment sir. Or...is this a bad time?" Said the old man. La shippo twitched. Just hearing the mans old voice gave him shivers. It was as if two peices of rusty metal were being grinded together.

Inuyasha didn't notice. He just heard some wierd old man talking.

" Ah..no. This is a _wonderful_ time for someone to request. Yes, ah, wonderful. Eh-hem. Have they...ah..been searched?" asked a shadowy figure on the other side of the room.

" Oh, no sir." Answered the old man. The yellow eyes at the other end of the room widened in horror.

" HOLY #!$#! YOU HAVEN'T SEARCHED THEM?.! WHAT IF THEY'RE WITH _THEM?.!_ SEARCH THEM NOW YOU FOOL!" yelled the man. The old man jumped to his feet and probably broke his hip by doing so. However, the pain did not register with him and he probably would be screaming in pain tomarrow morning.

The old man took out a handy dandy beepy blinky remote thing and scanned them.

" They are not of an alliance sir." The old man croaked.

" Good. You may leave now...and turn on the light in here." Said the voice.

The old man nodded, and left. A light turned on and now Inuyasha could clearly see the man in the room.

He wasn't a man at all. For one thing, he was blue. And his body struture was round and circular. How should I say this...Picture Kirby. Make him blue. Ta da! Now give him a mustache and gotee. Also, add bat wings and a pointed tail. Now give him an expensive chinese looking robe. That's him.

La shippo lifted and eyebrow. This..._man _was wierd looking. But apparently he could help him. And that was good enough.

Inuyasha walked over and sat down at the table that the man was at. There was an empty bottle of whiskey, scattered papers, several broken handcuffs, a few guns, and a little hawain girl bobble-head.

" Inuyasha I presume? Well, my name is..ah...um..one minute." said the man as he took out an I.D. and looked at it. The ID was most likely to be fake.

" F-frank Schmitzel is my name. " Said _Frank _nervously. Inuyasha lifted an eyebrow.

" Scmitzel?" he questioned. Frank schmitzel's eyes looked uneasily from La shippo to inuyasha.

" Yes. I am...Frank..um..schmitzel. It-its a...a canadian name." He explained.

" Schmitzel is German. "

" Oh? Is it really? Ha ha. I guess..uh..I guess my parents were a wee bit looney then don'cha know?" He said with an irish accent.

" That's Irish."

" Ah haha. I guess you've uh..I guess you've got me there! You're right! Irish! However, I already told you that I'm completely German."

Inuyasha began to get confused. : Didn't you say that you were canadian?"

Frank schmitzel looked alarmed. " Ah! Lets get onto business shall we? What have you come here for?" he asked, clearly in a state of panic.

" I'm requesting a prisoner for your asylum." Inuyasha said. Frank schmitzel smiled.

" I SEE. Well, a request then.. hmm...I have an idea. Let me see your cell phone." He said.

" What? Why? Asked inuyasha.

" Just give it to me." replied schmitzel. Inuyasha shrugged and handed him his handy dandy totally outdated cell phone.

Frank took out a screw driver, and a small micro-chip. he fiddled with the cell phone for a good ten minutes. La shippo looked at his watch. Inuyasha yawned. The fanfic author suddenly had a temptation to include sesshomaru into this fanfic...but they thought better of it.

"What are you doing?"asked inuyasha

"I'm...ah..._improving _it." He answered," Oh..and you'll be getting a suprise later on today.Oh! And if you go the gas station you'll get an even BIGGER suprise."

Inuyasha blinked. What the HELL? this mans nationality and race was questionable (although he sounded slightly wlesh), this mans species was questionable, and this now this mans intentions were questionable. Inuyasha began to not trust him...

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**Well, that was chpater whatever chapter that was...OH CRAP! I forgot to do something...hmmm...well what I was gonna do isn't exaclty nessacary...ok nevermind! (;**

**obeythesnarf: You were gonna give me a guest apperance cuz it's my birthday today!**

**slinko: um...why do you say that? ( shifty eyes)**

**obeythesnarf: cuz i'm your frined and you were to lazy to get me a present yet and- oh look! It's drshnaps dot com!AND ED! ED ED ED ED ED ED ED! I LOVE YOU! AAAAAAHHHHH!**

**slinko: wow! That was convieniant! Now i don't have to give her a speacial guest appearance anymore! **

**Oh and by the way everyone...**

**_REVEIW!_  
**


	14. snow wars

**Disclaimer: Ya know those stupid little games that pop up on the sides of websites and they say that if you do a certain thing you'll win an I-pod. Well, I saw one that said 'Outfart the gorrilla'. Charming eh? I own nuthing. **

* * *

Riza hawkeye was walking down the hallway. She went past a window and glanced out it. Wtf? She looked back. The first word the registered in her mind was 'white'. The second word was 'Taco'. The third was 'Why did I think Taco?' and the forth was 'Snow'. Yes indeed, it seemed to have snowed within the past five minuted. The causes of this were only known by three people. These people, part of the snow lovers international group of hippocrites, hated snow. Unfourtunetly for them, it was always snowing were they came from. So, if they had to endure the agonizing white stuff. Why shouldn't everyone? So, they built a horribly complex water crystlizing machine which they called the horribly complex water crystallizing machine. This machine, when used, would turn all water within a five mile radius, into the snow that they hated so much. They used it for stopping global warming, making slushies, and helping fanifc authors do a quick season change in the middle of a fic. 

"Whoa!," Riza said, " Look at the size of that paragraph! It's probably the single largest paragraph in the whole fanfiction! Holy guacamole city! Oh but anyways, hmm. snow. That's odd."

At that moment, everyones favorite cussing candlestick hopped over.

" Yeah. It just randomly starts to snow around here. I don't get it either. I think it's just used for a quick season change in the disney movie." said Havoc.

" What?"

"Nothing. Forget I said anything. Oh! Um, doesn't it make you wanna go outside and play in the snow?" he suggested

Riza lifted an eyebrow.

"What? I'm Riza Hawkeye! I don't play in the snow!" she said. Havoc rolled his eyes.

" Just effing go out there!" He yelled and he pushed her out the window. Riza fell, screaming, three stories. Fortunetly for her, she landed on a nice soft snowman. Oh poor snowman! He had a wife and 12 kids! Ha. Good riddance.

"Hey! You ruined my snowman!" came a voice from behind the pile of snow. Riza looked behind it and there stood a sandwhich. The sandwhich was fat as a walrus. Okay, maybe not that fat. Hmmm...Actually I dunno. Lets see. Ummmm...nope the walrus is definetly fatter. Anyways, yeah. The sandwhich was all distressed and crap.

" You ruined my snowman!" he repeated.

"Why did you repeat that?"

" Waaah! You ruined my snowman! Boo-hoo!" he sobbed. Riza rolled her eyes. Sissy.

And then the beast walked over.

"Hey, it says here that we have to throw snowballs at eachother." said Roy pointing to the script.

"What? Why?"

" Don't question the creative genius of disney."

" But i don't like disney."

"Well apparently Slinko does so shut up. Anyways, we need to throw snowballs at eachother so...yeah..." said roy, and he walked over to a huge pile of snow, rolled it into a ball, and chucked it at Riza. Rizas eyes bugged out and she whipped out her gun. She shot a bullet at the huge snowball and it fell apart.

"Cheater." mumbled Roy. Rizas eye twitched. She didn't like getting frozen water particles at her! Riza quickly built a snow sheild and whipped out a cannon. She stuffed a bunch of snow in it and fired insanely at Roy. Roy screamed and hid behind a tree. Riza ceased fire. A moment passed.

Roy then jumped out with two machine guns and began to fire snow bullets at Riza Riza fired snow bullets right back. It was a fearsome battle.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" riza screamed as she pulled out two machine guns and started to fire at him. They both ran around for quite some time, trying to murder eachother when they heard a noise.

"Sound." corrected havoc.

whatever. anyways. they heard some wierd singing. It went soemthing like this...

_" There might be somethign there that wasn't there before! _

_Um..lal la la! She didn't shudder at my paw! uh...do de do!_

_He seems sweet! And almost kind and um yeah!_

_Um...we're going to see the wizard! the wonderful wizard of oz!"_

Or something like that. But anyways, yeah. Clearly I don't know the words. But anways, Roy couldn't remember reading this in the script, so,naturally, he got confused.

"Wait what? Huh? I don't remeber reading that in the script." He pointed out.

" Shut up." said havoc. Roy grumbled. Riza shivered. She was cold. Havocs eyes bugged out.

" YOU'RE COLD! OMG! " he screamed, and he began to drag her inside.

" No. I'm fine really. I just um ok." Riza said. Havoc had sat her down, or rather threw her, at a fireplace. Riza sighed. Questions were racing through her head. Would she ever escape the castle? What were these strange feelings she suddenly had for Roy the Beast? And what was this script that they kept talking about? It was all very mysterious. Riza gazed deeply into the fire. She yawned. Shoting snow bullets at beasts sure could take a tol on a person. Riza looked out thw window at the newly fallen snow. She longed for freedom from the castle. But she also longed to stay. Riza shook her head. She had no feelings for the beast. He was just...a beast...but he WAS good at randomly pulling out machine guns...Riza was lost in thought.

* * *

**OMG! IT'S AN UPDATE! HOLY $! Oh so anyways, yeah i updated. Clearly this chapter was a little more serious. Well, the ending was at least. If you haven't noticed, I'm not good at writing serious things. Oh and if you can guess who the sandwhich was, i'll give you three square meals of random avacatoes!**

**reveiw!**


	15. when birds attack and a really long AN

**disclaimer: Obeythesnarf needs to update bald eagle, like, now please?**

**i own nuthing. **

* * *

Riza was still sitting by the fire. She was warm by now, but she'd rather stay inside than go back out into the cold. Riza sighed. She was getting sleepy. She vaugly wondered if it was possible for Slinko to write ANYTHING with a decent plot. She decided that it wasn't possible, and then she drifted off to sleep. 

But no. Because Havoc woke her up.

"HEY! You're not done playing in the snow yet!" he yelled,"The script says that you still need to play in the snow! Duh!"

"But I don't really wanna go out there " she complained as she pointed to the door.

"You'll just have accept it. Here's your ticket." Havoc said and he handed her a ticket and a suitcase. Riza walked over to the door that seemed to open by itself.

"Well...see ya guys." she said as she put on a hat and walked outside.The door magically closed behind her. A crowd of appliances waved good-bye to her.

Riza stepped outside and threw the suitcase and hat behind her.

"HEY! No fair! You crushed my OTHER snowman!" Complained the sandwich from the previous chapter. Riza rolled her eyes.

"What's your name anyways? " she asked.

"Well, my name used to be Breda, But now it's Bread-a." said Bread-a.

"Whatever" said Riza, and she walked away.

Riza saw the beast leaning against the tree reading a book. She walked over to him.

" I didn't know you could read." she said.

He glared at her.

"Don't be a wise-ass." He replied and he turned the page. Riza walked away.

She started to walk around and marvel at the terrific veiw of the forest. It was truly beautiful covered in snow. Yes indeed. Very lovely to look at. Riza sighed. She began to wonder if she ever would get to leave this cursed castle. Would she be stuck talking to candlesticks and sandwiches all her life? Riza sighed again. Suddenly, she felt a hard hand come down on her shoulder. She turned around. It was the beast.

" Hey. We still have an entire scene to do. Stop gawking at the scenery and get over here." He said. Riza glared. Jerk.

The beast walked into the middle of the front lawn and just stood there. Havoc hopped over to riza and threw a bag of birdseed at her. Riza looked at the bag, and then at havoc. And then back at the bag.

"What do you expect me to do with this?" She asked. Slinko glomped Dallas Winston. havoc grumbled something about Riza being an idiot and walked away.

Riza frowned. She looked at the bag of birdseed. She walked over to the beast and handed it to him.

" Here." she said.

"What?"

"Take this bag."

"I don't need all of it. Just a handful."

"JUST TAKE IT!" riza yelled. The beast recoiled in fear and took the bag. At once, birds swarmed him. Riza walked away, totally ignoring him and the birds.

"OHMYGAWD! THE BIRDS ARE ATTACKING ME! I REMEMBER THIS PART BEING ROMANTIC IN THE DISNEY FILM!!" shouted the beast. Riza turned around. The beast was being attacked by birds! She pulled out her gun and shot at the birds. They all flew away. The beast threw the bird seed down on the ground.

"SCREW BIRDSEED! I'M GOING BACK INSIDE!" he shouted. Riza sighed. Did he always have to shout everything? Oh well.

meanwhile at roy the beasty...

" Oh come on man! You can't just flip out because you mauled by some birds!" complained Havoc. Roy glared at him.

"They were going to start pecking my eyeballs out!" He replied angrily. Havoc frowned and lit a cigarette. He shook his head at Roy.

"Do you wanna break the spell or not?" asked havoc. Roy glared at him again.

"Oh course i do! I'm just getting impatient!" He growled. Havoc rolled his eyes and left the room. He walked out into a room where a mace was standing.

"Hey maes." said havoc. Maes jumped with joy!

"YAY! I'M ACTUALLY MAKING ANOTHER APPEARANCE IN THE FANFIC! I thought that I had dissapeared by chapter three." he said joyessly.

"Well, you did. But don't tell the readers or anything." said havoc, and he walked over to the window and looked out it at Riza. Maes joined him.

"Is the spell getting closer to being broken?" asked Maes. Havoc shrugged.

"I think so. But just a little." He said. Just then, a cute little doll with a pink dress ran over.

"Who's that?" asked havoc. Maes grinned.

"THAT'S ELYSIA! ISN'T SHE _**CUTE?.!"**_ he spazzed. Havoc backed up.

"Okay okay. Geez." he replied. All three of them looked out the window. Riza was shooting at a footrest that seemed to be following her. But they all knew that, deep down inside, she didn't want to shoot at it. She wanted to play!...or maybe not. Oh well.

"There may be something there that wasn't there before." Said Maes. Havoc nodded, and for once, he smiled.

"Maybe the curse will be lifted sooner than I thought." he said. Elysia looked confused.

"WHAT'S THERE? OMG! I WANNA KNOW!" she begged. Havoc covered her mouth. Maes uncovered her mouth. Havoc slapped maes. maes slapped him back. Elysia slapped both of them. They stopped fighting.

"There really might be something there that wasn't there before..." said havoc.

* * *

**okay! Wasn't that a GRRRREAT chapter! yup. sure was. **

**Now anyways, all the characters will be getting together next chapter and meeting in the studio. They'll be answering any questions, comments or flames that the reveiwers might have. Soooo...in your reveiw for this chapter, you should also put a question, comment, or flame and tell me who it goes to. You might be thinking, "why the hell is slinko doing that?" Well, i dunno. I guess i just want to write a chapter that dosen't require much thought--er--ummmm...i wanna hear the reveiwers opinion! yeah! that's it.**

**So, go reveiw! GO ON! _WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? GET OUTTA HERE!!!!!_**


	16. Intermission

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything...But what if i did? huh? HUH? HUH?.!**

**Well...here is he long awaited intermission ask questions chapter thing!!! yay!**

**Well...i couldn't figure out how to write this chapter...so it's kinda written like a script. **

**

* * *

**

All of the characters from previous chapters are sitting in the lounge with a small bag of letters. Slinko is sitting in a fancy directors chair and she has a hat on. A mailman/astronaut walks in and hands them a bag of letters.

Slinko: Why, thank you mr. mailman/astronaut. Anywho, our first few questions are all from Hayashi Azuma, the amazing god of fruit cake. my god, she submitted five questions.

Roy the beasty: what a weirdo.

slinko: Don't be mean to our reveiwers. Now anyways, the first question is...

_What made you wanna come up with this fic? _

Slinko: "Well Hayashi, It all began when we went to see the broadway production of 'Beauty and the Beast', well, after we saw it...we wanted to compare the Disney version to the Braodway version. So we rented the disney version and...it kinda got outta hand. Ya see, we rented it in the SUMMER. And in the summer we never have anything to do. Sooo...me and my sister ended up wathcing it about ten trillion times. Then we started to watch it frame by frmae. Oh god...THAT was hilarious. Anywho, we were watching it alot and then we started talkin' about what roy would do if he was turned into the beast...and that...is how this hideous creation came to life."

Havoc: You could've just said that it randomly popped into your head.

slinko: Yes, but that would be lying. Anywho, the next question is...

_are you on crack?_

_S_linko: I dunno . Quite possibly.

Riza : how could you not know if you're on crack or not?

Slinko: polar bears tell me things.

Riza: what?.!What the hell does THAT mean?.!

Slinko: NEXT QUESTION!

_And what kind of crack is it?_

Slinko: ...sugar...I'M NOT ON CRACK! (shifty eyes)

_Are roy and Riza EVER gonna kiss? Or hug? THROW ME A FRICKIN BONE HERE!_

slinko: good lord! here take one! (throws bone)

Roy the beasty: Have you watched the movie lately? My god, this fanifc is almost an exact replica of the movie.

Riza: And of course the beast ate the taxcollector in the movie...

Roy: um...uh...SHUT UP! NEXT QUESTION!

_Are you a slinky? (slinko, slinky There's a connection here)_

Slinko: umm...no...

Havoc: Yes you are!

Slniko: SHUT UP! (cries)

Riza: Way ta go! You made slinko cry! What do you have to say for yourself?

Havoc: I'm happy.

Riza: Oh my god...

Slinko: Okay...i..I'm good now. Anyways, our next question is from the super powered eskimo, Onesong05!!

_Why did you change your name to Bread-a if you really didn't have to?_

Bread-a: Well...I like bread.

slinko: And gravy.

Bread-a: Oh yeah. Gravy too.

Slinko: Anyways, since you losers didn't submit anymore questions, we're all just going to talk about our feelings now. Beast, how do you feel about the curse?

RTB: What? Umm i dunno. Annoyed I guess.

Slinko: Is that all? Isn't there anything else?

RTB: Well...i guess i'm kinda sad too. I mean...well...i suppose you could say that i'm rather depressed.

slinko: awww...it's okay. Just let it all out.

RTB: L-Let what out? What are you talking about?

slinko: Come ooon!

RTB: well...i...i...WAAAAHHHH! (runs away crying)

everyone: ...

slinko: That didn't turn out very well...So havoc! How do YOU feel about the whole fanfic in general?

Havoc: It's stupid. I honestly don't know why you wanted to turn me into a candle.

Slinko: And i made you pissed off at life! Don't foget that!

Havoc: Yeah. And you practically turned me into a slave!

slinko: And how does that make you feel?

Havoc: Crappy. And pissed off.

slinko: It's okay. Let your emotions out. Don't bottle them all up.

Havoc: I'm leaving. (Leaves.)

Slinko: Ummmm...so riza! How do YOU feel about the level of romance in the fic?

Riza: This isn't even a romance fanfic. It just has mild hints of romance. You can't even write romance. Seriosly! I mean, just look at that one story you wrote!

Slinko: What story?

Riza: "Captured"! That story sucks!

Slinko: SHUT UP! (runs away crying)

Bread-a: (spoken in a creepy gardell voice) Well, it's just you and me now Riza.

Maes: **_AND ELYSIA! HOW COULD YOU FORGET HER?.!_** Oh and i'm here too. Man, i barely appear in this fanfic at all. Oh well.

Elysia: I want a cookie.

Maes:(gives cookie)

Chapter:(ends)

* * *

Dude...only TWO people asked any questions. Ah well. That's just my luck. Anyways, umm...i have half of the next chapter sitting in my documents right now so I actually might update quickly next time! Wow!

So go reveiw!!!!! THE BREAD-A DEMANDS YOU TO!


	17. after intermission

and then there was a blank chapter of doom.


	18. The return of Bill cosby!

**disclaimer: Snarf barf is not owned by a professional wrestler!

* * *

**

Riza was bored. Bored bored bored. She needed entertainment. Havoc was also pretty freakin' bored. He was so bored, that he was attempting to carve a replication of the Mona lisa into the wall using nothing but a fork. It wasn't working out very well. Riza was so bored, that she complained. Slinko complained about boredom all the time though.. Mostly she calls up her friends and just groans into the telephone. Slinko doesn't have many friends. Anyways, Riza walked over to the beast.

"Beast guy. I'm bored."

"So?"

"Entertain me"

"I'll entertain you." said Gardell.

"Shut up Gardell." said slinko.

"Go entertain yourself" said the beast,"I'm busy."

"Doing what?"

"Reading"

"Whatcha readin'?"

"The script. I can't remember what happens next in the movie."

" Oh." said Riza, and she walked away. Havoc walked over to the beast.

"Roy, What happens next in the script?"

" I can't remember."

" Well, what does the script say?"

"Oh, well it says 'you should've memorized the movie before writing a fanfic about it'. I don't known what that means." Said Roy.

Havoc frowned.

" What DOES happen next? Do we sing another song?"

" I guess."

" No wait...Don't we go back to Gaston and La foo?" Asked havoc.

"Um...No i don't think so. But who really cares? Lets change the sceane back to them." he said.

Meanwhile at inuyasha and La shippo...

Inuyasha and La shippo were leaving the insane asylum. They had been scared to the point of puking projectile turtle vomit. Inuyasha examing his cellphone.

"I think he planted a bomb on it." said inu. La shippo nodded. Frank schmitzel was creepy. Oh well. At least they got him to sign ol' bill cosby up for the funny farm. Ha ha. Funny. Farm. It's ...funny and um... go cry now.

" Lets blow this popstand and go to the bar inuyasha. " said la shippo. Inu nodded. He needed to get drunk again. That was just...what he did. Sooooo...inu and la shippo went back to the bar. When they got there, they ordered twelve cups of fresh ale. The bartender rolled his eyes.

"Again?"

"Yes again. And if you don't like it then go jump in a lake full of royXed fangirls."

The bartender sighed and handed them the beer. Inuyasha and La shippo grinned widely and both began to chug. Instantly, everyone in the bar was surronding them and shouting "CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG!" They both had just finished chuggin their first glass when suddenly, someone burst into the bar. It was Bill cosby! He looked absoulutly frazzled! Frazzled bedazzled! Frazzled bedazzled shnazzled quazzled grazzle plazzeled trazzled!!! Qwrazzled, Marrazled, lazzled! Frazzled Bedazzed Tazzl-okay I'll stop now.

" A BEAST!" he yelled, "MY DAUGHTER! A BEAST CAPTURED MY DAUGHTER!"

Everyone in the bar stared at him for a second or two...and then they all laughed at him. Except for Neville. But that's okay, cuz Nobody likes Neville anyways. ha ha stupid neville

"Cosby, cosby, cosby...when will you stop being so wierd? There's no such thing as a beast." Said Inu-yasha. Bill was not convinced.

"oh YEAH?! Wanna BET? I have PROOF! And i like to emphasize the last word of every SENTANCE!" Bill spat at him.

"Okay, sure give us the-" began La' shippo, but inu-yasha hit him on the head.

"Okay, sure. Show us the evidence." Inu-yasha said.

"Oh, i will!" Said Bill cosby, and just as he began to pull out the evidence...

The chapter ended.

* * *

**The last chapter was my favorite one. XD**

**Go review you filthy snarf-toads. **

* * *


	19. Evidence of Mrs Bill Cowsby!

**i can't believe how badly i screwed up the order of events in this fanfic. Grrrf.**

**Disclaimer: Schadenfraude.**

**

* * *

**

Bill cosby slowly reached into a bag and slowly began to pull out the evidence of the beast. Tension rised, suspense built, i ate a ham sandwhich!

And then he revealed his evidence. Everyone in the bar gasped. But then they stopped gasping and just kinda looked at him all funny like.

"How is THAT evidence of a beast capturing Riza?" asked Inuyasha,"That's insane! You're a loon!"

Cosby frowned.

"Nu-uh!" he protested

"yu-huh!" inuyasha spat

"Nu-uh!"

"yu-huh!"

"Well, so what if i'm a loon? This is still good evidence." he said. Inuyasha chortled. The man was clearly wacko.

"That's not EVEN evidence dude!" he pointed out. Bill cosby frowned angrily and looked at the object that he held in his hand. Apparantly, he had taken the wrong piece of "evidence" out of his pocket.

What he was holding in his hands was a picture of him in a tux, and a cow in a wedding dress. His eyes bugged out and he shoved it back into his pocket.

"Ummm. That was..uh...PHOTOSHOP! Yeah...photoshop. That...uh..that never actaully happened. But anyways...HERE is the ACTUAL evidence of a beast capturing Riza." explained Bill Cosby, as he took out a picture that looked like the reception of the wedding.

Inu-yasha lifted an eyebrow.

"Why did you marry a COW?" he asked. Bill cosby looked at the picture and yelped. heh. Yelp is a funny word. I'm listening to My Chemical Romance. I like the song "mama". mama we're all fulla lies. mama we're meant for the flies.

"I DIDN'T MARRY A COW!!!! CAN YOU ALL JUST LISTEN TO WHAT I'M SAYING?!?!?!" he yelled. And then he took out yet ANOTHER picture. This one wasn't of the wedding. It was a picture of the beast and Riza.

* * *

Previously... 

" Heeeeeeeeeey Roy! Look over here!!" said Havoc, in an unusually cheerful mood. Roy turned his head and then Riza ran over to him and put her arm around him. Havoc took a picture. It immedietly came out. He smiled at it proudly and handed it to Riza. Riza gave him five bucks and then handed it to bill cosby.

"go tell the villagers that I've been captured and that they have to come save meh." she ordered. Bill cosby thought about this for a moment and then nodded.

" The hippo WOULD explode..." he said thoughtfully. Riza put her head in her hands.

"You're a psycho. Anyways, Yeah. Go to town and stuff." She said. Bill cosby nodded.

"Okee dokee!"

And he left to go tell the villagers.

Flashback thingy over...

* * *

"Waitainute!" Said roy, "when did that happen?" 

"What happen?" Asked Havoc.

"The picture thing!"

"During chapter 17, remember?"

"Oooooh yeah!"

* * *

Back at Bill cosby... 

Inu-yasha examined The picture. He smirked.

"Photoshop." he explained, being full of himself. The three kagomes that hadn't appeared since chapter two nodded their heads in unison.

"Ah yes. That WOULD be true! IF photoshop was invented during this time!" Bill cosby said. Silence was brought about the entire pub.

Inu-yashas jaw dropped. La' Shippo's eyes widened. Mel Brooks directed The Producers. Slinko wrote "Roys Pepsi".

"Cosby ain't lieing..." La shippo muttered. Inu-yasha grimaced.

"I see...so you DID marry a cow then?" Inu-yasha accused.

"WHAT?! I...NO!!!...well...okay SO I MARRIED A COW! IT DOSEN'T MATTER! ME AND BETTY ARE VERY HAPPY TOGETHER! BUT THE IMPORTANT BIT IS THAT RIZA HAS BEEN CAPTURED!" he screamed.

Inu-yasha grinned.

"This looks like the PERFECT oppurtunity for a ...SONG!!!!!!!"

* * *

**Another musical number. Oh no.**

**Further more, I have a dead corpse in my office to intimidate peoples. **

**reveiw**


	20. The recasting of minor characters

**Hello loyal reveiwers. I am sure that you have all gotten used to the cast for this fanfic. Well, sorry to say, but i'm going to change it up a bit. Y'see, La shippo was demanding a payraise so i had to sack him.**

**As for Bill cosby, he's out this week on a cruise vacation so we have a different actor playing his part. **

**Ladies and gentleman, allow me to introduce...**

**Kankuro and Bill Clinton!**

* * *

Inuyasha watched La Shippo walk off stage, and get replaced by Kankuro from Naruto. kankuro burped and looked at the script. 

"Uh...who am i playing here?" he asked groggily. Inuyasha threw his script on the ground.

"I CAN'T WORK UNDER THESE CONDITIONS!" he complained. Slinko put her head in her hands.

"why not?! " slinko asked, irritated. Inu-yasha rolled his eyes.

"Because! I need La shippo! And this...this...this...THING...is CERTAINLY not La shippo! This is...LA KANKY!" he said, " I'll be in my dressing room if you need me. Unless of course you've replaced me as well."

Inuyasha walked away to his dressing room. But then he ran into Bill Clinton.

"and who's THIS CLOWN?"

Bill clinton crossed his arms.

"My name, you filty dog, is Bill Clinton and I am going to be playing Bill Cosby. And i am NOT a clown. I am a politician." he pointed out. Inuyasha growled. Slinko ran over to them.

"Guys! stop arguing! He's just a replacement actor!" she explained. Bill Clintons jaw dropped.

"I thought you said I would have a permantent role!"

"NO! Well yes i did BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT! Can't you just be content with being a temporary replacement?" slinko begged. Bill Clinton sneered.

"Most certainly not. And i DEFINETLY won't be working with that MUTT."

Inuyasha twithched.

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS! I QUIT!" he yelled, throwing his arms in the air.

"SAME HERE" yelled Bill Clinton, leaving in a huff.

Slinko just stood there with this confused look on her face. La Kanky walked over eating a bag of chips.

"I gotta go pick up my little brother from daycare sooo...bye" he said groggily. And then he left.

Slinko put her head in her hands.

"Oh god. I've lost all my secondary characters...well maybe the fanfic can continue without them." she said, and then she called Roy the beasty, Riza hawkeye, and Jean havoc in.

Roy sighed and looked at his nails.

"uh. What is it NOW slinko? I thought we were on break." he sighed. Riza nodded.

"yeah. I hope you know that I'm going to be late for a dentists appointment." she complained angrily.

" Roy, you're break is now offically over. Riza, I told you not to scheduale anything else for today! And havoc...oh wait you didn't say anything." she said.

"Now anyways, i just lost all my secondary characters so--" slinko began, but havoc cut her off.

"If you just lost all the secondary characters, then there's no point in continuing the fanfic. Lets go grab a beer." he said.

Roy, Riza, and Havoc left to grab a beer.

Slinko just sat in a corner and cried.

and cried.

and cried.

* * *

**pfft! Actors.**

_**  
**_


	21. KILL THE BEAST!

**Okay so the entire cast just left on me so i recatsed everyone at the last second. Here's the new cast.**

**The Beast - Alex Loius Armstrong  
**

**Belle - Pinako ( She didn't care about getting payed okay?.!) **

**Lumiarie or however you spell it - Envy**

**Bill Cosby - Itachi Uchiha**

**Gaston - Sesshomaru-sama**

**La foo - Kirby **

**Frank schmitzel ('cuz he IS gonna make another appearance sometime) - Voldemort**

**And that's the new cast. Hopefully I'll be able to get our old cast back soon. (sighs) **

**Well, on with the chapter...I guess -,-**

* * *

"EEK! What should we do?!?" screamed some random drunk guy. 

"YA! What should we do Lord sesshomaru?" another person yelled/asked.

Sessy glanced around at all the people. What to do..? What to do...?

Kirby then had an idea, but since he couldn't say anything, he didn't. If only Kirby had the ability to speak! For this idea, would have brought about world peace! An end to world hunger! It would surely lead Mankind into a new, brighter future!

Anyways, sessy then got an idea. Sure, this was nothing like LA KIRBYS idea, but it was still okay.

"I say we KILL THE BEAST!" he roared. The crowd yelled back in agreement. Kirby turned on some music. Sesshomaru jumped up on the Bar.

"_The beast will make off with your children! _

_He'll come after them in the night!_

_We're not safe until his head is mounted on my wall! _

_Right by the other animal heads would look nice i think._

_Oh but I'm getting off topic._

_I SAY WE KILL THE BEAST!" _sesshomaru sang. The crowd pulled out random pitchforks, torchs, and one little boy name tiny tim whipped out a huge machine gun. He began to foam from the mouth, but nobody noticed this so who really cares?

Sessy continued singing:

**"**_We're not safe until he's dead!_

_He'll come stalking us at night!_

_Set to sacrifice our children to his monstoruous appetite! _

_He'll wreak Havoc (lol) on our village if we let him wander free!"_

sesshomaru took a deep breath.

**_"So It's time to take some action boys! _**

**_IT'S TIME TO FOLOW MEEEE!"_** he sang, louder then before.

The crowd all whooped with delight, and they easily tore down the walls of the bar. Later, this event would be on channel five news.

Everyone looked around at the destroyed bar. oops.

"uh...WE CAN FIX THAT LATER!" sessy cried gallently. The crowd screamed once again in agreement.

Kirby then decdied that later he would write a RoyXEd fanfic. Stupid kirby.

Sessy lead the mob through town and into the woods.

_"Through the Mist_

_Through the Woods_

_Through the darkness and the shadows, _

_It's a nightmare but it's one exciting ride (kinda like a roller coaster but not really)_

_Say a prayer, then we're there!_

_At a drawbridge of a castle!"_

sessy was interrupted by some random jerk.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW IF IT EVEN LIVES IN A CASTLE?!" he yelled.

sessy sighed.

" Who cares? Can we just move on? where was I...? Oh yeah!"

_"and there's soemthing truly terrible inside!_

_It's a beast!_

_He's got fangs! Razor sharp ones!_

_Massive paws! Killer claws for the feast!_

_Hear him roar! See him foam! (kinda like tiny tim but less ferocious)_

_But we're not coming home! Till' he's dead!_

_Good and dead!_

_KILL THE BEAST!_

_Light your torch! Mount your horse! _

_Screw your courage to the sticking place! (wtf does THAT mean anyways?)_"

Kirby took out some papers and began to balance his check book.

Then, The mob started to sing IN PERFECT UNISION. God knows HOW they managed to pull THAT off.

_"We're counting on Sessy to lead the way!_

_Through the mist! Through the wood!_

_Were within' a haunted castle (or whatever type of house said beast resides in)_

_Somethings lurking that you don't see ev'ry day!_

_It's a beast!_

_One as tall as a mountain! _

_We won't rest! Till he's good and deceased!_

_Sally forth! Tally ho! What the hell are we even talking about here? _

_I don't know! I don't know! We are absoulutly crazy! _

_But slinkos getting off topic again!_

_Grab a sword! Grab a bow!_

_Praise The lord and here we go!_

_We don't like what we can't understand! _

_And the beast is mysterious at least!_

_Bring your guns! Bring your knives!_

_Save your children and your wives! We'll save our children and our lives!_

_WE'LL KILL THE BEAST!" _They sang triumphantly.

Sesshomaru looked around proudly at his army...mob...gang...thing. He smirked.

"Very good my followers! But before we kill the beast we have to file these tax papers!" he exclaimed.

A great moan could be heard from the crowd. Nobody liked taxes.

Some random hobo walked up to Sessy.

"How long do you expect this to take?" he asked. Sessy rubbed his chin.

"About one to two chapters at the most." he guessed. The hobo sighed and walked away.

* * *

**yawn! It's ABOUT TIME this fanfic picked up some pace! I mean, JESUS! **

**la la la la la. I'm glad I don't have to file tax papers for two whole chapters. **

**um...moop. I have a mild headache. It's annoying. uh...hey whoa. Itachi (bill cosby) didn't have a single line for the entire chapter. well, he was ...uh...BUYING AN ICE CREAM CONE! yeah...**

**Go reveiw you filthy snarf toads.  
**

* * *


	22. more pointless recasting!

**ONE HUNDRED REVIEWS FOR "RIZA ENCOUNTERS A BEASTY". HOLY CRAP. **

**Anyways, since I've finally received 100 lovely reviews, i decided to list the names of all the wonderful people who made me feel special. Keep in mind that many of these people are the only reason that I actually continued this story. Without them, this fanfic might cease to exsist.**

**My hit list--I MEAN--my lovely reviewers...yeah...-,-**

**Anicka  
marufu-chan  
Hayashi Azuma  
Crystal Jaganshi  
MoonStarDutchess  
Kyasarin-Maarukeehii1  
Daughter of Helba  
Civilian  
Mirra 128  
BridgitKiido  
Heidi C.  
Toukitoshi's broken heart  
Han Ji Eun  
OneSong05  
NewRageInc.  
ObeyTheSnarf  
Kibou-Greenbird  
TheAuthorRin  
Flame-user Laurena  
blaufeuer  
Taisa'sFireAngel07  
Mei Fire  
Sora loves me best  
Sister-Rosette-12  
noodels  
OTP  
P. McTully  
Sakura Angel 4eva  
CrazedNeko  
ADDVengance**

**i hope i didn't forget anyone...oh well.**

* * *

Alex louis Armstrong strolled over to Slinko. He was wearing a bearskin coat and a whole crapload of other furs. Slinko sighed and put her head in her hands. 

"Where did you find those animal furs?" she sighed. Armstrong grinned and flexed his muscles.

"I SKINNED THEM MYSELF!" he exclaimed. Slinko ran her hand through her hair.

"Whatever. just...whatever...what do you want anyways?" she asked. Armstrong temporarily stopped flexing his muscles.

"It appears that my co-workers, Pinako, Envy, and Itachi have left for coffee." he informed her. Slinko puleld out a gun and put it to her head.

Meanwhile at Envy and Pinako...

Envy and Pinako were sitting outside of Stabucks sipping some coffee. Envy had a cappicino and Pinako had a Latte.

Envy put his cup down.

"So Pinako, who are you supposed to be playing?" he asked. Where the devil are my slippers?

"Oh I dunno. Some girl named Bess or something." she replied, adding some sugar to her Latte. Envy nodded and took another sip of his cappicino.

Just then, Itachi walked over with a Cheery Slushie.

"Yo." he said, taking a seat next to Envy. Pinako giggled at the idea of Itachi saying "yo".

There was an akward silence. A gay baby was born.

Envy broke the silence.

"So Itachi, have you managed to kill your younger brother, sasuge yet?" he asked. Itachi shook his head.

"No, i haven't. How has killing Edward been going?" he responded. Envy rolled his eyes in an annoyed manner.

"Tch! The brat just won't die! Stupid bastard." he muttered. Itachi nodded, understanding his situation. Pinako looked from Itachi to Envy and then to Itachi again.

"I'm the only one here who isn't trying to kill their younger brother." she pointed out. Envy giggled.

"Actually, in the latest manga chapters, it's hinted that I actually care about whether Sasuge lives or not. But nobody knows for sure." itachi said. Pinako lifted her eyebrows.

"Really?"

"Yes. In fact, Kisame thought i was crying in one of the chapters." he confirmed.

"That just means that you're a wussie." said Envy. Itachi glared at him.

"The fandom thinks you're a plam tree Envy, so i wouldn't be talking." he said. Envy snarled and took another sip of his cappicino.

OH SHIT I HAD HOMEWORK AND IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GO TO BED. Oh, i'll do it later.

Just then, Slinko walked over to the group and glared at them.

"Guys, I don't want this entire chapter to be you guys drinking coffee. okay? The reveiwers are probably getting sick of these pointless chapters anyways. So can we go back to the studio and get some actual work done?" she begged. Pinako stuck her tongue out.

"We don't wanna" she said. Slinko gritted her teeth.

"You guys are such slackers!!!" she yelled. Envy yawned.

"What about you? You're supposed to be doing you're homework right now. I think YOU'RE the one whose slacking here." he said. Pinako giggled.

"BUUURRRNNN" itachi said pointing at slinko.

"I give up." said Slinko walking away. Iatchi, Pinako, and Envy exchanged high fives.

Slinko went back to the studios. Roy was there.

"I THOUGHT YOU QUIT!" she yelled. Roy looked at her.

"What? Oh yeah i did. y'see I tried to get some work in some other fanfics. But they were all RoyXed. So i came back here." he explained. Slinkos eye twitched.

"WTF?! YOU JUST QUIT AND THEN COME BACK 15 MINUTES LATER AS IF NOTHING EVEN HAPPENED!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ALL ABOUT!?!?" she screamed. Roy covered his beastly ears.

"I dunno." he said, " but Riza is here too. She was getting paired with winry."

Slinko sighed, half relived, half annoyed. Armstrong bounded over.

"Ms Director ma'am! I have been practicing! Look!" armstrong said, clearing his throat.

"rawr" he rawred . He then began to cry.

"DOES IT NOT STRIKE FEAR INTO YOUR HEART?! OH HOW WONDERFUL!" he exclaimed. Slinko shot him eight times in the head.

"You're fired" she said, and then she looked back at roy.

"Did anyone else come back?" she asked. Roy shook his head.

"Alright. Well, we can at least shoot the next few scenes with just you two here so...lets get to work." she said.

And then the chapter ended.

* * *

**My problem is that i enjoy writing these kind of chapters to much. I'm aware that you're all probably sick of them, but since when have i cared about you guys? That's right. never. **

**The next chapter will actually have a plot and it won;t just be slinko arguing with the cast anymore. Even though i adore wirting those scenes. **

**um...moop. heh heh. la la la la la...**

**I can't waot till i finish this fanfic. That's why i've been updating so quickly recently. Cuz i wanna get it over with. It's not that i don't like this fanfic...it's just that...welll...**

**I got the idea for it over a year ago.**

**Pathetic no? **

**I need to rant. **

**you can just skip this next part if you want to. Nobody reads the authors notes anyways.**

**blah blah blah. I just moved to a new skool and i was put in honors english. Apparently, i was supposed to be working on this ultra huge project ever since last may, but sicne i didn't even live here last may, i clearly didn't know about it. Well, i haven't even finished reading the book that i'm doing the damn project on. The project is due in five days. damn. I'm doing it on "Lord of the Flies". It's a good book but it'll take five pages to just describe what a friggin ROCK looks like. It reminds me of Dumbledore at the end of the 5th harry potter book. **

**okay. rant over.**

**go review you filthy snarf toads.  
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	23. Noodly goodness

**Man this sucks! 90 percent of my cast is gone! I can't belive it!**

**(havoc and Bill Cosby walk over)**

**Havoc: Hey, Slinko. Me and Bill Cosby want our old jobs back.**

**Slinko: Oh now you tell me.**

**Havoc: well SORRY.**

**Slinko: hmph**

* * *

It was early in the morning (of doom) and Riza had just gotten out of bed. She yawned and went downstairs to get some breakfast. She poured herself some cereal called "Acid-o's" and then ate. 

Then she relized that she had forgotten to pour the milk in. Riza sighed and opened up the BEASLTY fridge. Immedietly, a pack of rabid hotdogs ran out. Riza ignored them. That happened everytime she opened the BEASTLY fridge.

After looking about for 15 minutes she finally accepted the fact that there was no more milk and that she had to go buy some.

Meanwhile at Roy...

Roy observed the dandelion. It was begining to wilt. He gasped and poured some plant fertilizer on it.

"That's better" he sighed.

Just then, Riza walked over with an empty milk carton.

"Hey beast guy, we're out of milk"

"How tragic"

"Yeah. Well, I'm gonna go buy some more." Riza said and she began to walk away, but Roy stopped her.

"Oh no you don't!," he said," I'm not that stupid!"

Havoc walked over.

"Yeah, but you are stupid enough to eat taxcollectors" Havoc pointed out. Roy pouted.

"THAT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE!" he yelled

"Actually it happened twice." Riza pointed out

"Really? When?"

"Back in chapter 17"

"Oh yeah...Well anyways, you're not going anywhere unless this guy comes with you" Da beasty said as he took out a lil teacup.

"What's that?" Riza asked.

"POTATOS!" the teacup bellowed. Roy, Riza and Havoc all covered their ears.

"He's kind of moronic..." Havoc whispered to Riza. Riza nodded and mouthed the words 'I see'.

Slinko looked up at what she had typed do far. She put her head in her hands.

"That's not long enough" she sighed and she continued to type.

BUT WAIT!!!! SUDDENLY SLINKO REMEMBERED THAT SHE HAD CHOCOLATE PUDDING!!!!! THE ONE THING THAT COULD GET HER TO WRITE A LONGER CHAPTER!!!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!

----Time passes-----

mmmmmmm...puddin...mmmmm...

THE PUDDING HAS REPLENISHED MY POWER!!!! I CAN CONTINUE!!!!

"Well, it's been nice talking" Riza said, and she walked out of the castle, taking the moronic cup with her.

Suddenly, Walt disney beat Slinko for fucking up his story.

Meanwhile at Roy and Havoc...

Havoc jammed a cigarette into his noise tube. Guitar Hero3 is fun.

"Roy, You're doing a horrible job at breaking the curse" Havoc complained. Roy growled at him angrily.

"I'm aware of that Havoc" Roy spat. Havoc glared at him.

"Well it doesn't seem like you're doing very much to get it fixed." He retorted.

Roy narrowed his eyes at...Wait...what the hell does retorted mean anyways?

Roy narrowed his eyes at Havoc.

"And what it THAT supposed to mean, wise guy?" Roy asked.

"Oh nothing. Except for the fact that you seem to do more eating than breaking curses" Havoc said. Roys lifted an eyebrow.

"What are you talking about?!" he asked quizzically. (Dude!!!! That reminds me of that one time when I drew meta knight and kirby and...oh...anyhow...)

Havoc looked Roy straight in the beastly eyes.

"You ate the last twinkie and you know it." Havoc accused. Roy glared daggers at him.

"Oh it's on now" He whispered venomously.

Meanwhile at Riza...

"LALALALALALALA! Wow I suck at singing!" sang Riza.

Riza continued walking to the closest Food store to buy milk but, alas, she did not get far seeing as how a pack of wolves jumped her.

"HOLY GINNY KISSING HARRYS!" (that, my friend, is a line from the first fanfic I ever submitted to this website. Sadly, I took it down and have lost the file. WHY DID I HAVE TO TAKE IT DOWN?! I'M SUCH A FOOL!)

The largest wolf, whom was also the closest to Riza, smirked and pulled out a dagger.

"We's gunna be doo'n dis nice n' easy ladeh. we's jus wants sum HUMAN FLESH!!!!!" the wolf barked, losing all traces of literary dialect. Riza screeched but then remembered that she had a gun, which she then proceeded in pointing at them.

A small black wolf behind the bigger one laughed.

"Ha! You really think THAT can help? We're bulletproof!" he exclaimed.

"No you're not." Riza pointed out, " Look, you're leader has a bullet stuck in his leg right there."

"That's a piercing" Said the leader. Riza crossed her arms.

"IT IS NOT!" she yelled.

Then was a long pause and then...

"ATTACK THE NON BELIEVER!!!!!" the leader howled. Riza fired her gun at them but then one of the wolves ate it.

"HOLY (insert noun here)!!!!!!!" Riza screamed.

* * *

**HAVE YOU BEEN BLESSED BY THE FLYING SPAGETTI MONSTER'S NOODLY GOODNESS YET?**

**VENGANZA DOT ORG**

**BE THERE OR BE SPAM.**

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* * *


	24. Chapter with literally no purpose at all

**Uh...I can't remember what I was gonna do in the fanfic or-WAIT IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME!!!!**

**Tee hee!**

**Upon rereading this fic (cuz I have a huge ego and I like reading my own stories) I noticed that I used the same joke twice. No. I'm not telling you what joke it was so HA! But to make up for this, I now present to you...Five sentences of funny.**

**Once upon a time, in a far off land, there lived a cucumber named Edward Elric. Edward Elric loved nothing more than to skip through fields of flowers! However, one day while he was skipping through flowers, a troll name Alphonse popped up! "Fe fi fo fum!", Alphonse exclaimed and he promptly devoured Edward Elric. The End.**

** Now, I don't know about YOU GUYS, but I found that to be hilarious.**

**Disclaimer: Oh and by the way, I MET THE MAN THAT I'VE IDOLIZED FOR TWO YEARS!!!! I MET JHONEN VASQUEZ!!!!! I SHOOK HIS HAND!!! ME!!! MEEEEEEE!**

**Wow this is a really long authors note. **

**I've decided something.**

**This entire chapter is gonna be one big authors note. This chapters sole purpose will be to annoy you guys.**

**Nah. I'll do that later.**

**...uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...I forgot what I was going to do again...oh god. **

**ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm**

**uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh**

**duuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrr...**

**IT'S ON THE TIP OF MY TONGUE!**

**DAMNIT ALL! I'm gonna go reread the previous chapter. :P Maybe that'll jog my memory.**

**Okay. I mainly remember now. I'm gonna write it down somewhere so I don't forget.**

**Here we go...**

* * *

Ror (lol. Typo) the beasty glared at Havoc. Havoc glared at Roy the beasty. There was only one possible way the settle the matter of the twinkie thing. Naturally, that one way was to have a dance off. (which reminds me of "Meet the Spartans". That was a pretty good movie. I recomend seeing it just for the Pit of Death.)

* * *

**If you don't review for this and tell me how amazing I am, There won't be any updates for the next month.**

**However, if you do review and tell me how amazing I am, there will be a chance of a _real_ update later this week.**

* * *

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* * *


	25. Hooray Another chapter

**Ummmmm...shooooo...uhhh...I have no idea what to write in the authors note...:P**

**umm...I like bagels.**

**Actually, I don't like bagels. Especially not raisin ones. Raisins are horrible. XP**

**Disclaimer: MAGICAL TREVOR IS BACK ONE AGAIN!**

**Oh and by the way, The remainder of the cast has returned. Cuz I say that they have. And I am the author. Of doom. **

* * *

One day, Slinko was trying to start the new chapter of Riza Encounters a Beasty. Usually, She wouldn't have updated for a bazillion and four more years, but she had promised her reviewers a quick update. So far, she had started the fanfic several different ways. They all sucked.

"Damnit. All these beginnings are stupid and corny." She growled.

When suddenly, an idea occurred to her. But she scraped that one as well. Cuz it sucked.

When suddenly...something happened...Perhaps it was the corny batman episode she was watching on you tube, or maybe it was the soup she had eaten for dinner. But whatever it was, Slinko came up with an amazing idea.

She would simply write the chapter and refuse to make any revisions. Whatever she typed, she kept. The exception of course, being spelling errors. In other words, the first thing that came to her mind would be what she would type.

Your edit-free fanfiction will begin now.

* * *

It was an average day for Riza Hawkeye. EXCEPT FOR THE RAVENOUS, BLOOD THIRSTY HOUNDS THAT WERE TRYING TO TEAR HER LIMB FROM LIMB! THAT WAS NOT AVERAGE AT ALL! Harley Quinn.

Meanwhile at Roy the Beasty...

"Well that dance-off utterly sucked." Said Roy. Havoc grumbled.

"We never even had a dance off!"

"Yes we did. In the last chapter. Remember?" Roy said in Batmans voice.

"Oh yeah...Now anyways...WHO WANTS PUDDIN!" Havoc screamed. Everybody cheered, but then..Roys cell Phone rang!

"Hello?" Said Roy. There was no reply. So he hung up.

Meanwhile at Riza...

Suddenly, after 17 days of neglecting to finish the chapter. Slinko returned and found that fucking EVERYTHING that she wrote was in comic font. :(

Moving on...

Riza did the hokey pokey. But graaaaa...that never happened. Ummmmmmmmmm...what was going on before? Lemme check. Oh yeah. Well ummm...

Riza tripped on a root that was protruding from the ground and fell on the ground. (i hate repititions. I wish I had some pudding left. Where did it all go?) The wolves immedietly jumped on the little burrito name Riza and were about to tear her limb from limb!

When suddenly...Her cell phone rang! The wolves were not rude wolves, so they let her answer it.

"Hello?" Riza asked.

"_Hello! This is an automated message saying that you should click your heels three times and scream for Roy the Beasty to save you!"_

Riza smirked. Oh yeah. Oh yeaaaaahhhh. This would work. This would work _noicely._

Riza clicked her heels three times before the wolves began to attack her again. During the time that she was getting attacked, she was able to squeal out several words such as: Help! Beasty! Wolves! and Pickles!

MEANWHILE...AT THE THE CASTLE OF...DOOOOOM poopy poopy poo poo

Roys cell phone rang. He growled. Perhaps he should get better service. Whatever the hell that means.

"Hello" He roared into the portable cellular phonical device.

"Uh huh...Really?...Mmmmhmmmmm okay. I'll be right there." Roy mooed and he ran away on all fours to go and rescue his beautiful damsel in distress!

* * *

**Short Chapter is Short. But since it was so short, I'll update again soon. (translation: The next time I update, you'll all have grandkids)**

review.


	26. the stuff chapter

**I'M LISTENING TO BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. IT'S THE BEST DISNEY MOVIE EVAR. JUST DON'T EVEN TRY TO TOP IT. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.**

Well...maybe Mulan was better...

**BUT NO. BEASTY IS BEST.**

Well then again there is The Hunchback of Notre Dame...I guess that's about even with Beauty and the Beast.

* * *

Roy the Beasty was running. Running. Running. WHY DID HE RUN SO MUCH. WHY NOT WALK?

Roy arrived at Riza whom was currently busy being jumped by several wolves. Scary huh? I bet you're just thinking "Hot damn. That is frightening." right now. In fact, you just peed yourself. Yeah. yeah! UH! pelvis thrust

Roy roared and began to claw madly at the wolves whom were screaming in protest. One of the wolves attched himself to Roys hairy arm and chomped down just like dis: "OHM NOM NOM!"

Roy howled and his eyes bugged out. Riza screeched and jumped up and down whilst pointing at him.

She then began running around in circles until she saw what would surely save both their lives!

A LEAD PIPE!

Riza picked up the lead pipe and howled as loud as humanly possible.

Meanwhile at Wally Goofadoof...

Wally looked out his windows. He sighed. Another screaming idiot. He should have gone with his original plan and moved to Detorit.

Back at Riza...

Riza gave her world famous war call and hit one of the wolves right on the head with the lead pipe. I just noticed that i type with only my index fingers...

The wolf shreiked and ran away, the others quickly followed.

"We're gonna sue you!!" They heard one of them shout.

Beasty sighed heavily and picked up Riza.

"Lets go home Sweetums." he said. Riza lifted an eyebrow.

"Sweetums?!"

"What?"

"You called me sweetums."

"Did not."

"Did so!" Riza screamed and she stabbed Roy in the chest out of frustration.

Roy screamed (Lots of screaming in this chapter eh?)

"That kinda hurt y'know." He pointed out.

Meanwhile at uhhhh...oh yeah. Meanwhile at Inuyasha and La Shippo (Cuz y'know. I forced the cast to come back.)

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

okay those guys are pretty boring...

Meanewhile at Roy the beasty...

Roy and Riza had arrived at the castle and they were currently sitting in a nice, cozy room with a fireplace.

Riza took out a towel and soaked it in water. Roy lifted an eyebrow.

"What are you doing? Taking a sponge bath?" He asked. Riza sighed.

"NO. I am going to wash off your gunshot because in the Disney version I did something similar." she spat.

"Why? You do know that I can do that myself right?" he asked.

Riza sighed and then there was an akward silence before she threw the towel at him.

"Fine then! "

Roy put a spongebob bandaid on his wound. Riza facepalm'd herself.

"The fire is very pretty isn't it?" Roy said, trying to change the subject. Riza looked at the fire.

"...It reminds me of a song."

"Oh? And what song is that?" Roy asked. Riza looked thoughtful.

"I can't seem to remember the name...Well it doesn't matter anyways..."

There was a long pause. The fire crackling was all that either of them could hear. It was such a soothing sound. Riza wanted to stay there forever.

"...Riza?"

"Yes?"

"...Can I ask you a question?"

"okay"

There was another akward silence.

"Later tonight I was going to arrange a dinner and a dance. I was wondering if you would..." Roy said. Riza smiled at him.

"Sure"

Meanwhile back at Inuyasha and La shippo...

Inuyasha sighed heavily. Him and the townspeople had been doing taxes for HOURS! All they wanted was a break!

Inuyasha pushed La shippo onto the ground and stood on top of him.

"ATTENTION TOWNSPEOPLE! It has come to my attention that we are all sick and tired of taxes. So, to cure this, LETS GO GET DRUNK AGAIN!!" Inuyasha proclaimed.

There was a pause.

All the townsfolk cheered and ran back to the village singing the beer song in joy and merriment.

* * *


	27. OMG AN UPDATE AND DINNER PREPERATION

**HA HA HA HA HA!!! I'M LISTENING TO BEAUTY AND THE BEAST WITH MY SISTER AND MY FRIEND, ERIC. IT KICKS ASS.**

**MAN GASTON IS FUNNY. **

**MY FRIEND ERIC WANTS TO BE BELLE. SRSLY.**

**OH GOD....ERIC JUST SAID "WHAT IF CLOPIN HAD GASTON'S BODY?"**

**

* * *

**Riza walked into her room and considered what roy the beasty said about the dinner. Knowing Roy, they would rpbably be eating taxcollectors or something. She sighed and had a flashback about when she was little.

FLASHBACK

Little Riza sat at the dinner table. Her grandmother slapped down a heaping helping of taxcollecotr meat. Riza screamed and threw her arms in the air.

.........no

No I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna use that joke one more time.......No It's just gotten old.

...........AW HELL, I CAN'T HELP IT. RIZA THREW HER ARMS IN THE AIR AND THEN HER GRANDMOTHER CAUGHT THEM FOR HER AND PUT THEM BACK ON RIZAS SHOULDERS. THERE I DID IT OKAY?! GOD.

Riza's grandmother smacked her and forced her to eat her food.

FLASHBACK OVER

Riza frowned and wondered what she was supposed to wear to the dinner. It wasn't anything formal was it? No.....It couldn't be. Formal things weren't Roys style.

Suddenly, the wardrobe wobbled over to Riza. She hovered over her for a few moments and then spoke.

"HELLO DEARIE. I HAVE A NICE DRESS THAT YOU COULD WEAR INSIDE OF MY....CLOSET....THING....." the wardrobe offered. Riza grimaced and turned away.

"Erm....no thanks....I don't really like wearing dresses..." Riza explained. The wardrobe frowned and her eyes widened. Her left eye twitched a little bit but she soon got over it.

"I think I'll just wear some...y'know.....pants and maybe a nice shirt.....Yeah nothing.....dress like...." Riza said and she walked away from the wardrobe quickly. The wardrobe eyes twitched.

Riza took out a game boy and began to play some good ol' mario.

"Oooh. you dastardly bowser! I'm gonna getcha!" she mumbled into her game. Suddenly, she heard a knock on her door and she jumped. Jumping caused her to drop her game boy.

It broke. Later, a funeral would be held for the innocent gaming system. Has anyone here ever heard the song "crazy bitch"? I really like it. :P

Anyways, Riza answered the door and saw Havoc standing there with a box labeled "stuffs". He held it up to her.

"What's that for?" she asked. havoc sighed.

"It's for you, doofus." he grumbled. Riza scowled at Havoc and then took the box. havoc jammed yet another cigarette into his mouth and then held out a clipboard.

"Roy wants you to sign this to verify that you got the package" Havoc said. Riza frowned.

"Um....why? I mean....It's not like you're a real mailman or anything....can't you just tell him that I pooped by myself?" she asked. Havoc shook his head and shoved a pen at her. Riza sighed and signed the clipboard. She then closed the door and examined the box. It had a gajillion stamps on it. What the hell? Roys room was just down the hall!

Riza shrugged and opened it up to discover a letter sitting atop a small white box. She opened the letter and read it.

"_Riza_

_here are some clothes that you should wear to dinner tonight. If you do not, I will be severly dissapointed. _

_sincerly,_

_RtB_

_(roy the beasty)"_

Riza frowned and opened up the white box to see what Roy packed for her.

Meanwhile at Roy....

Havoc walked over to Roy. AW CRAP tO HAVE TO PEE. BRB

Roy was pacing back and forth when Havoc hopped in the door with the clipboard. He wiggled it anxiously in front of Roys face. Roy looked down at it and smiled.

"Perfect. She signed it. Now, what have you prepared for dinner tonight?" Roy asked. Havoc raised an eyebrow.

"What have **I** prepared for dinner? Why do **I **always end up doing the hard work and stuff? " He questioned. Roy sighed.

"Because you...because.......well......Fine then, tell someone else to make the food." Roy grumbled.

Meanwhile back at Riza...

Havoc walked into Riza room.

"Riza, make the food" he ordered. Riza lifted and eyebrow as Havoc left.

"erm....anyways," she mutter and she looked at what Roy expected her to wear to the dinner tonight.

* * *

**I PLAN TO HAVE THIS THREE YEAR OLD FANFIC _FINISHED_ BY THE END OF JUNE. BECAUSE I'M AMAZING LIKE THAT.**


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